Just as the advent of digital technologies have forged a global economy in the business domain, advances in communication devices increasingly are being used to facilitate the formation of long distance romantic relationships (LDRs). Yet, geographical distance presents unique challenges for couples seeking to establish intimacy in LDRs. Particularly, the absence of physical proximity limits physical intimacy, a central pathway for establishing closeness in romantic relationships for many cultures. Given the unique challenges of creating intimacy for couples that do not live in the same city, do LDRs have to be a deal breaker? Arditti & Kauffman (2004) demonstrate that couples who are geographically separated in their relationship, impacted by career, education, or military, tend to experience an increase in stress, yet retain equal levels of relationship satisfaction with their closer proximity couple counterparts.

There are several dynamics experienced by individuals involved in LDRs. Psychological obstacles such as poor self image, fear of rejection, jealousy, and blame are some crucial dynamics of the experiences of people in LDRs. Because LDRs are becoming more common, it is vital that clinicians understand the challenges of LDRs and how to assist this population in successfully navigating the road to intimacy.

To create strong intimate bonds despite physical distance from your partner, there are a variety of unique means clinicians can explore for long distance relationship couples. The ten types of intimacies to explore are as follows: 1) Work- sharing tasks that bond you in affirming ways (e.g. group work, studying with others). 2) Emotional- sharing significant experience and feelings that touch you in important ways (e.g. joy, acceptance, disappointment, pain of breaking up, rejection). 3) Intellectual- sharing ideas and opinions that challenge one another (e.g. exchange ideas about a movie, book, therapeutic intervention). 4) Crisis- coping with problems and pain together (e.g. death of a loved one, work deadlines, illness). 5) Common-Cause- sharing an ideal or cause which brings about genuine closeness (e.g. environmental groups, volunteer for a national organization together, building a home together). 6) Spiritual- sharing a relationship with God/higher power, shared prayer, religious values and practices. (e.g. attending retreats, conversation about life and meaning). 7) Aesthetic- sharing experiences and an appreciation of beauty (e.g. watching a sunset, painting a caveat, listening to a band). 8) Recreational- sharing experiences of fun and play (e.g. parties, sports). 9) Creative- sharing acts of creating or nurturing (e.g. sharing art work or a creative project). 10) Sexual/Physical- a sign of sharing the whole person with another in a physical act. (e.g. results when the sharing of our bodies with one another through intercourse or through touching).

Alisha Rorer, Ph.D, LMFT

Engaging families in the recovery process has been studied and proven to make a positive impact on helping individuals in their road to healthy lifestyles and recovery. Therapists should seek to build a constituency that promotes a constructive resolution. Orford (1994) suggested that it is important to consider families affected by addiction problems for two important and related reasons: family members in these circumstances show symptoms of stress that merit help in their own right and involvement of family members in the treatment of their relatives with addiction problems can enhance positive outcomes. It is significant to allow the family members of substance abusers (especially those of ex-offenders) to have a voice in the recovery process. This voice allows for perspectives to be shared other than that of the ex-offender. Family members often feel excluded, helpless, and hopeless when it comes to their level of participation in their loved ones recovery process. In addition, this feeling of isolation may lead to negative feelings directed towards other individuals within the family system (mainly the person who struggles with addiction). Psycho-education is important when trying to understand any form of illness. Having family members participate in treatment provides a platform where information can be shared on the nature of addiction and how it can affect not only those who struggle with it but the effects that it may have on their loved ones as well. Family involvement allows for the sharing of issues and concerns and, more importantly, effective ways of dealing with those issues rather than silently suffering through them.

Family involvement in treatment allows members of the system to better understand their role in treatment and allows for them to share how they have been negatively affected by the offender’s misuse of substances. Substance misuse can negatively impact a range of family systems and processes, including family rituals, roles within the family, family routines, communication structures and systems, family social life and family finances (Copello, Velleman, & Templeton, 2005). Such changes in the family system may be markedly observable to others outside of the family system. In some cases, this may lead to shame and embarrassment and family members may feel as if the addiction is a direct representation of the family system as a whole.

Charles Nichols, Ph.D., LPC, NCC

In best efforts to promote family resilience, it is extremely important to consider the strengths of families rather than placing the focus on areas of improvement. This does not suggest that areas of improvement should not be addressed and ignored. However, they should not be the focus of treatment. Family resilience is best achieved through a strengths-based approach that highlights what has worked well in the family system both past and current.

Although many members within the family system often find it difficult to identify their own strengths as a family system, treatment providers are charged with the task of helping the family gain insight on the things they have done well in the past. Providing clients with confirmation of a resilient past offers hope for overcoming future barriers. Constant affirmation and acknowledgment of a family’s motivation to move forward and not give up also provides families with a collective sense of hope. Despite the many obstacles that families face, systemic treatment must focus on the positive possibilities that a family may achieve if their effort is relentless in treatment. Ultimately, family members will hopefully move to a place where they are able to recognize their own strengths, these strengths are then validated by the therapist and others within the family system.

Charles Nichols, Ph.D., LPC, NCC