Navigating the Road to Intimacy in Long Distance Relationships

Just as the advent of digital technologies have forged a global economy in the business domain, advances in communication devices increasingly are being used to facilitate the formation of long distance romantic relationships (LDRs). Yet, geographical distance presents unique challenges for couples seeking to establish intimacy in LDRs. Particularly, the absence of physical proximity limits physical intimacy, a central pathway for establishing closeness in romantic relationships for many cultures. Given the unique challenges of creating intimacy for couples that do not live in the same city, do LDRs have to be a deal breaker? Arditti & Kauffman (2004) demonstrate that couples who are geographically separated in their relationship, impacted by career, education, or military, tend to experience an increase in stress, yet retain equal levels of relationship satisfaction with their closer proximity couple counterparts.

There are several dynamics experienced by individuals involved in LDRs. Psychological obstacles such as poor self image, fear of rejection, jealousy, and blame are some crucial dynamics of the experiences of people in LDRs. Because LDRs are becoming more common, it is vital that clinicians understand the challenges of LDRs and how to assist this population in successfully navigating the road to intimacy.

To create strong intimate bonds despite physical distance from your partner, there are a variety of unique means clinicians can explore for long distance relationship couples. The ten types of intimacies to explore are as follows: 1) Work- sharing tasks that bond you in affirming ways (e.g. group work, studying with others). 2) Emotional- sharing significant experience and feelings that touch you in important ways (e.g. joy, acceptance, disappointment, pain of breaking up, rejection). 3) Intellectual- sharing ideas and opinions that challenge one another (e.g. exchange ideas about a movie, book, therapeutic intervention). 4) Crisis- coping with problems and pain together (e.g. death of a loved one, work deadlines, illness). 5) Common-Cause- sharing an ideal or cause which brings about genuine closeness (e.g. environmental groups, volunteer for a national organization together, building a home together). 6) Spiritual- sharing a relationship with God/higher power, shared prayer, religious values and practices. (e.g. attending retreats, conversation about life and meaning). 7) Aesthetic- sharing experiences and an appreciation of beauty (e.g. watching a sunset, painting a caveat, listening to a band). 8) Recreational- sharing experiences of fun and play (e.g. parties, sports). 9) Creative- sharing acts of creating or nurturing (e.g. sharing art work or a creative project). 10) Sexual/Physical- a sign of sharing the whole person with another in a physical act. (e.g. results when the sharing of our bodies with one another through intercourse or through touching).

Alisha Rorer, Ph.D, LMFT